Our conversation this morning went like this:
Me: I think we should start hotlining again.
The Artist: Okay. So Let's talk about how that works.
Me: I dunno. I mean we just make it work, I guess.
The Artist: Where would they sleep? Can we fit more carseats in our car? What ages are we saying yes to? How would the nanny feel about adding more kids in at unpredictable times? What about work schedules, or the pick up and drop off arrangements? How would our kids feel with other kids coming and going?
Me: We always felt the need to be a home for kids who need homes. We are more a for-real-family now. We are really our own family, with our own rules and rhythms. Its always felt important to me to be a safe and cozy place for kids when they're down and out. I think we should find our way back to that again.
The Artist: Yes. To all of it. We'll make it work.
And just like that we are back in the foster care life. There is so much I could say about the day-to-day struggle foster care brings into your life. We did hotline foster care for awhile in the beginning and always had kids longer than expected as we flexed our life to try to make sure their life was not more painful than necessary. It's different now. We have two little kids, and little kids are inherently needy. Little kids thrive on predictability and routine and regulated family life. Foster care would be the axe cleaving predictability from your life. We have two bedrooms and a playroom and we would need to upend Mr. T's regular routine to accommodate other kids. Is that fair? Is it ever fair to consider balancing the needs of your family over the needs of kids in the most desperate hours of their life? My beautiful Mr. T is still healing from his own travels in this world. How we can protect and stay attuned to his needs is the worry I am most present with. Tiny rolls with pretty much anything so long as he can dance and shake things up, his needs may be specific but are also much more flexible.
We are setting our age limits to more or less the ages our kiddos are, so we can keep on without too much disruption. Little kids who might like playgrounds we go to, walks in the woods to throw rocks and draw in the dirt with sticks (I soooo romanticized family walks in the woods before kids, and walks now are more of a slow ramble into thickets and eating rocks, but I still dig it), hang with the nanny if we are too hectic for an hour or so. The hope right now is to open our family to hold space for a short time for those needing more, and then head back to normal life, until it all happens again.
I'm not sure how this all works out, hell I'm not even sure how we'll work out the carseat situation so if anyone has genius ideas for how to fit two carseats and a booster into a CRV, man would we be grateful. Summer is just beginning to creep in around here, we are stepping into a new season together and starting again to open our home to the beauty and pain of this foster care life. I'm hopeful we will all learn much more about who we are, and how we are in the coming months.
More to come.
Foster Mom (The Therapist)